[ Not believing you're gonna die is what gets you killed. He'd known his future when she said those words. It might not be his death that he's aware of, but it will be the death of the life he's worked so hard to build. She can't even begin to imagine the struggle it must have been for him to come to terms with it all — to accept that trying to change the outcome will only make it worse. He has to live each day knowing it's bringing him closer to his fate; she'd only had to ensure the past remained unchanged.

Sniffling quietly, she unwraps a hand from her mug to wipe her cheek where a tear has escaped. She refuses to lose control of her emotions completely. Refuses. ]

Perhaps not. But his death is. I should have seen it coming. I should have known he would be reckless, and that she would— [ Another tear slips out and she scrubs it away as well, the action almost violent. ] Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the United Earth Fleet starship Enterprise. He died in my arms, protecting a timeline he wouldn't get to see and a version of the brother he'd lost.

[ And every time she sees the James Kirk of their universe, her heart races and is shredded to bits all over again. It's ridiculous for his death to affect her more than the ramifications of the decision she'd been forced to make... but it does. She shatters into pieces every time she wakes up and remembers all over again and she doesn't know if that will ever stop.

Is there any timeline in which she isn't one of the walking wounded, doomed to a life full of tragedy and loss? ]